11 Telltale Signs Your New Girlfriend May Be a Restraining Order Waiting to Happen
1. She looks into your eyes and says, “No one has ever made me feel quite the way you do.” From across the ordering counter you respond, “Thanks. I’ll have a venti machiatto, extra shot please.”
2. While leaving the movie theater you hear someone shout, “150 yards Goddamnit! 150 yards!” To your surprise she screams back, “Inadvertent contact, Bill! Inadvertent!”3. Before you’re even home from your first date, she’s left four voice mails, sent two text messages and called your best friend to ask where you’re at.
4. When she smiles there’s always lipstick on her teeth.
5. Ten minutes after sex she’s picking out baby names.
6. The first time you meet her parents, you overhear her Dad mutter, “Poor bastard.”7. On your first date she tells her seven year old to call you Dad.
8. She threatens to beat your 66 year old secretary’s ass because she smiled at you.
9. She starts way too many sentences with, “My P.O. says…”
10. She has twelve tattoos, eleven of them covering up old boyfriends’ names…poorly.
11. Her bathroom reading materials include the books ‘Schizophrenia and You: a Biblical Solution’ and ‘Women Who Beat the Men Who Love Them’. Source
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