What NOT To Do On A First Date !!
1. Being Late - Arriving on time is, of course, a prerequisite to a successful date - perhaps the most important of them all. No lady will have much respect for a man who is unable to keep his appointments. Even five minutes of tardiness may prove to be devastating. On the other hand, turning up early is also undesirable, as it indicates an unseemly eagerness and a lack of prior engagements, both of which are hallmarks of lesser men. Therefore, make sure that you arrive exactly on time (give or take a few seconds, of course). Arrange your schedule so that nothing can possibly come in the way of this. Cancel all your previous meetings, tell any visitors that you might be entertaining to depart, force the taxi driver at gunpoint to adjust his speed according to your needs. Whatever it takes. And finally, remember the old adage: “My heart, it is not with a man who comes late, but a man that’s on time is undoubtedly great.”
2. Coming On To Strong - Maintaining a respectful distance during the early phase of the date is absolutely vital; both an emotional and, especially, a physical one. If you do not immediately show the lady that you are gentle and sensitive, she may shy away from you beyond hope of reversal. Any and all bodily contact between the two of you should be kept to a minimum, such as a casual “accidental” meeting of your respective hands and the like. Avoid close contact if at all possible and, above all, do not touch the lady in any manner that might be considered ungentlemanly, as most women prefer not to be treated like a piece of meat. Under no circumstances is this allowed, even in situations where your instincts may tell you otherwise, such as the lady spilling her beverage over her bosom and not having a handkerchief at hand; or the lady falling unconscious due to an accident or a sudden violent bout of allergy and requiring cardiopulmonary resuscitation.
3. Staring - Despite what some men might tell you, very few ladies desire to be gaped at as if they were some sort of prized ham to be devoured solely by the use of one’s eyes. (As an aside, I should advise you to forever part company with any such men you may consider friends, as they are obviously deeply disturbed). While it may be true that many women strive to improve and accentuate their natural beauty for the benefit of man’s eyes, it should nevertheless be considered highly inappropriate to look at them for more than the briefest moment at a time. It is most important that you never allow a lady to catch you staring at her, especially certain sensitive parts of her body, or else all hope of further advancement may be lost. When addressing your lady friend, do not look at her directly, not even her eyes. Instead, pretend to examine an interesting item in your vicinity, such as a glass or teacup, a floor tile or another woman standing nearby (preferably with her back turned towards you).
4. Being Offensive - A sure way for a lady to lose all interest in pursuing a deeper relationship with you is recognizing you as a boorish clod. Bear in mind that ladies are much more sensitive than men by birth, so be sure to avoid making disparaging comments towards certain groups of people, even if these people are naturally inferior to you and me. Rid your jest repertoire of any crude jokes that may be construed as being insulting to the aforementioned people, as they may achieve the exact opposite effect of that intended (it being, of course, making a lady fall for your smashing sense of humor). Furthermore, if you chance to encounter any such individuals during the course of your date, pass them by politely, rather than pausing by their side and inflicting verbal or physical abuse on them, even though they may deserve it, and more besides.
5. Being Nosey - A woman’s defining natural trait is her insatiable curiosity; that much we all know. However, that does not mean you should stoop to her level, and be inquisitive in turn. Men are much more reserved in that regard and should normally be quite satisfied with gathering little tidbits of personal information here and there, mostly by themselves, and combining them into a whole of their choice. Although some ladies enjoy giving away facts about themselves almost as much as they enjoy receiving those about others, it is not likely that your lady of the moment is among them. Therefore, do not pressure her by issuing queries regarding her private life. On the other hand, go ahead and discuss yourself as much as you wish, or even more. Feel free to exaggerate at your leisure, as women usually accept all they hear without question and later pass it on to their friends with exaggerations of their own added. This may well end up presenting viable possibilities for the future should your current date go astray.
6. Talking to other people - Being on a date means devoting all your senses and attention to a single person: the one next to you. All other people should be disregarded as much as possible. If you happen upon an acquaintance, ignore them. If a friend approaches you, act as if you do not know him. If a stranger comes soliciting or begging for money, give them a look promising severe discomfort in their near future unless they withdraw at once. Roll up your sleeves if necessary. Leave your mobile telephone at home unless you absolutely cannot. If such is the case, disable any and all of its functions that might lead to a sound being made. Remember that one single ring may break the magic of the moment and render the lady disenchanted for the rest of the evening. If that does indeed happen, destroy the device as soon as you return to your abode.
7. Neglecting your date - I direct your attention to the first sentence of the point above. Under no circumstances whatsoever should the lady feel neglected in any way, shape or form. Do not leave her side even for a moment, barring an emergency of a truly prodigious scale. Cater to her needs if it is within your power. Get her a drink if she seems thirsty. Buy her a bite to eat if she looks hungry. Offer her your coat is she shivers. Provide her with a fan if she swelters. Give her your hat if she looks at it longingly, and so on. If a lady begins to feel that you are losing interest in her, she will soon become distant in turn. Worse yet, it may cause great damage to her self-confidence, which down the road, can eventually lead into her turning into a cold, embittered woman, a loss to you and other men everywhere, especially if she is of good looks.
8. Bailing out - There can never be a reason strong enough for you to suddenly terminate the date. Casting the lady aside in such fashion is one of the most ill-mannered, disrespectful things you can possibly do to her. By accepting her invitation to a date (or vice versa, possibly), you have given her an unspoken agreement that you will stand by her side and remain there for the entire duration of said date. It is your duty as a man to hold your word, no matter what. Failure to do so would effectively mean that you have forfeited your right to bear the title of gentleman. A flooded house, a sudden death in the family, your mother being held hostage by terrorists demanding a ransom within a restricted time period, your wife having a baby, all those things can, and in many cases will, wait.
9. Getting Drunk - Alcohol is a poison to your liver and love life alike. Ingesting it before or during a date would be highly ill-advised. There are few things that can make a lady lose more respect for you than seeing you in jolly company with a large amount of Mr. Ale. Whereas it is true that a certain level of alcohol in your system makes everything better, the line between being merry and voiding your stomach on the sidewalk can be thin indeed. It should also be noted that alcohol affects different men in different ways: whereas some can drink a wheelbarrow full of whisky and live to tell the tale, others are denied the weight-bearing support of their feet merely by being in the vicinity of a glass of diluted apple cider. Since it is better to err on the side of caution, it is best to stay away from alcohol altogether. Do not let yourself be tempted by any people offering it to you. Use force if necessary. (An exception to this rule comes into play if your lady friend enjoys the bottle as well. Should that be the case, the above lines may be mostly disregarded, and a fun time can be had by both, especially you.)
10. Being Cheap - When departing for a date, it is important to leave your love of wealth at home. Being liberal with your spending while entertaining a lady is to be considered highly beneficial, as it promotes the lady’s sense of owing you something. This usually leads to her thinking of a way to return the favor somehow, a most delicious dilemma for her to have from a man’s point of view. Therefore, do not be stingy with your money. Cover all expenses in restaurants and the like. Give the lady some coins to throw into a wishing well. Buy her items she desires openly and, if you are able to determine what they may be, items she desires secretly. Of course, none of these items need be (and for your wallet’s sake, should be) expensive. It should be noted that some women prefer their men to be frugal, but such women are generally interested in pursuing a long-term relationship and should thus be avoided.
11. Hurting Animals - The inclusion of this point may seem strange at first, as animals hardly have an important role in most first dates, but it is important to remember that love of living things is perhaps the only thing that binds all women together. Therefore, it is to be logically concluded that hurting animals is something every woman abhors. Kicking a cat, backhanding a bird, even intentionally stepping on a snail all have a similar effect on members of the opposite sex: hidden tears and blossoming hatred towards the man responsible for these actions. Conversely, being kind to the less intelligent cohabitants of our planet and showing concern for their well-being elevates your status in female eyes to surprising heights, since most females are used to men not caring about animals beyond the confines of their steak plate. (Note that for all intents and purposes of this point, babies are to be considered animals as well.)
12. Discussing sensative topics - There are certain topics of conversation which should only be discussed under special circumstances. These topics include, but are by no means limited to, religion, family problems, health issues, alternate forms of sexuality, doping, the gaming industry, and death. One should always tread carefully when such subjects arise in conversation, especially during a date, as there is a rather high probability that your lady friend will not feel comfortable with discussing some, or any, of them with you. Forcing them upon her regardless can never result in anything positive, neither for the lady nor for you, as it would likely leave you with the double frustration of a suddenly cheerless companion and a lack of stimulating counterarguments. Instead of these serious and challenging topics, try to talk about lighter matters such as nature, friends, happiness, toys, food, sports, and life.
13. Not Kissing Goodnight - Alas, all good things must come to an end, and your date is no exception. After a long evening of fun (it is to be assumed), it is time to return to your respective domiciles. Remember, a gentleman always ensures the lady he has been temporary guardian of returns to her residence safely. Therefore, it is rightly expected that you escort her there personally. Upon delivering your special friend to her doorstep, it is customary to bestow upon her a goodnight kiss. Failure to do so may mar what had up to that point been a flawless night, not to mention it has a high probability of damaging future prospects you may have for her and you. Make your final moment together that night the highlight of her time with you; one that she will remember and treasure for years, or at least until one of your next dates goes horribly, horribly wrong and she hates you forever.
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